Useful Tips On How To Move Past Betrayal And Deal With Your Hurt Feelings

Pain is part of life. It’s sad but true, and there’s no escaping it, no matter how overprotective parents get or how strict governments, jobs, or school systems become. Life is filled with the full spectrum of emotions, and sometimes that’s wonderful, but sometimes it sucks. The following will explore a few things you can do if you’re experiencing some of the more difficult emotions. The focus will be on people who have had their feelings hurt by others through betrayal or other means, but many of these tips will apply to people whose feelings are hurt for other reasons.

Understand That No Feeling Lasts

This can be hard to acknowledge in the throes of pain, but it is important. No emotion lasts forever. Some take longer than others to dissipate, but all feelings pass—every single one, even the one you’re feeling now. If you need a little more support to accept this idea, take a moment to read about how people process the pain of betrayal and you can also notice subtle changes in your emotional state if you know what signs to learn for.

Somethings Don’t Have Signs

If you’ve been betrayed by someone, not seeing it coming is often one of the most difficult parts, yet it tends to be an element that isn’t focused on amid the aftermath. Something incredibly unexpected can lead you to doubt your ability to understand pretty much everything else about life. After all, if you didn’t see this coming, what else might you not be seeing? Do you even understand what reality is? Take a deep breath. Not everything has a perceptible sign that you or other people can read and interpret.

Understand That No Feeling Is Wrong

All too often, we decide that certain feelings are wrong or inappropriate. This is never the case. Everything you’re feeling—even if it’s not what someone else would feel in the situation—is a completely appropriate reaction. This applies to a lack of feeling as well, like emptiness or numbness. Take, for instance, someone who was in a terrible car accident. This person might feel extremely nervous when getting into a car. Just because most people don’t feel nervous while getting into a car doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with this response; in fact, it makes perfect sense and is actually a sign of intelligence. The person doesn’t want to recreate the terrible scenario they experienced.

Your emotional state right now also makes perfect sense. No one else had the experience you did with the person who hurt you, either before or after the hurt. This means no one can tell you the feeling is wrong.

Your Thoughts Can Be Wrong

When you’re suffering emotionally, your mind is often running the gambit producing a slew of thoughts non-stop. Since your thoughts can alter your experience of life, it’s important to acknowledge that your thoughts can be wrong. It’s important to ask yourself each time you have thought whether or not you know that thought is true.

Resist The Urge To Label Yourself As Unhealthy

While the mental health normalization movement has beautiful and worthy aspirations, one of the negative implications of the movement is that sometimes people assume their emotions are an illness rather than a healthy response to their situation. If you’re feeling terrible because something terrible happened, you’re not ill. You’re not depressed. There’s nothing wrong with your brain. You’re reacting to life. This actually means you’re healthy.

Focus On Feeling

When you’re feeling huge emotions, it’s tempting to avoid the experience, often through unhealthy choices. Not only can this be dangerous for your wellbeing, but it can also actually prolong the pain and discomfort. Feelings need to be felt in order to leave you. Of course, this is easier said than done. Here are three steps that can help you feel your feelings:

1. Name the feeling. What do you call this emotion? Say to yourself or out loud: I am feeling [insert feeling here].
2. Focus on the physical sensation. How does this emotion feel in your body? Is your chest tight? Do you have a headache? Do you have the urge to move a certain way? Scan your body from toes to head and note where sensations lie.
3. Seek out a symbolic representation or expression of your feeling. Does an image come to mind? What associations do you have with this feeling? Can you write, speak, draw, paint, dance, or make music in a way that expresses this feeling?

Work through these three steps as many times as needed. You’ll often find the emotion alters slightly as you complete this process. Once the feeling is fully felt, it will transform.

Be Wary Of Coping Mechanisms

Culturally, we tend to talk about coping as a positive process, but in most cases, it isn’t. If coping doesn’t result in a transformation of the emotion but ignorance or burying of it, you’re not actually treating the root cause of your situation.

The above steps should help you understand the emotional scenario you find yourself in. It’s important that you have someone non-judgemental to speak to in this trying time like a friend, sibling, or professional.