Healing Relationships While Undergoing Addiction Treatment
Active addiction can wreak havoc on the lives of the person with a substance use disorder, their family, and friends. While addiction can lead to financial insecurity, poor mental and physical health, and legal repercussions, it’s perhaps the broken trust and fractured relationships that cause the most grief.
Addiction treatment is about dealing with past trauma and taking steps toward a new, healthy life. Yet, mending relationships can take a lifetime. Only time, effort, balance, and— believe it or not— prioritizing one’s self can promote relationship healing while undergoing addiction treatment.
Taking Responsibility
There’s still a lot of stigma surrounding addiction and substance use disorders. While we give people grace for mental health disorders and physical ailments, it’s difficult to find acceptance for people with addictions. Many of the behaviors are similar, yet there’s something about a third party— a substance— that seemingly makes it harder for people to empathize.
People do incredibly hurtful things during active addiction. They mismanage finances or take money and belongings from others. According to Addiction Treatment Magazine, infidelity is common among people in active addiction. Also, actions taken during active addiction have lasting negative effects, no matter if a harmful act has been done by a parent, partner, sibling, or friend. Research from the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) shows that substance abuse is prevalent in 40-60% of intimate partner violence incidents. So how does one forgive or even start to ask for forgiveness? By taking responsibility for their actions.
There’s a subtle difference between one treating their addiction as a reason versus treating it as an excuse— one that makes it difficult to detect when on the receiving end of the apology. An excuse is a justification for one’s actions; a reason is the cause of their actions.
When you apologize for what you’ve done during active addiction, it’s essential to show compassion, empathy, and regret. Rather than focusing on the substance that led you here, ask how you can make things better in the future. Then, follow through.
Where does this leave the person experiencing hurt and betrayal? Forgiveness is a choice. Sometimes it takes a while to make that choice. And sometimes, ending a relationship is necessary in order to be able to forgive in the future. Feelings of anger and distrust are valid. Yet, a person undergoing treatment doesn’t deserve to be shamed and degraded as they pursue betterment. If you can’t practice empathy and compassion in return, setting clear boundaries is the best thing you can do for yourself and the other person.
Prioritizing Sobriety
One of the challenges people in recovery experience is balancing their desire to mend relationships with the absolute necessity to maintain sobriety. The prioritization of oneself can seem selfish or misconstrued to friends and loved ones.
Here’s the thing, though: without sobriety, those relationships don’t stand a chance. Sobriety should always be the top priority. If maintaining a relationship puts sobriety at risk, put it on the back burner during treatment.
Spouses can support their partner during treatment by partaking in counseling sessions, understanding triggers, and relapse signs, and exploring new, substance-free activities. Prioritizing honesty and communication is crucial during this time, and working with a professional can help protect everyone’s boundaries and needs.
Practicing Self-care and Grace
Taking responsibility does not mean accepting abuse. While this advice applies to interpersonal relationships, it also refers to your inner narrative. If you’re someone undergoing addiction treatment, you also need to repair your relationship with yourself. This means practicing self-compassion, rebuilding trust, and forgiving yourself.
Self-care plays an integral role in healing broken relationships during and following addiction treatment— for all involved. Stress management is a top priority. Practicing mindfulness activities, setting boundaries, and engaging in enriching hobbies contribute to recovery success. Partners, caregivers, support people, and friends can also benefit from prioritizing self-care while navigating a new relationship.
Managing Big Emotions
There’s a reason experts recommend that people wait to start new relationships until well after recovery is established.
Love is a drug. Not in the literal sense, but chemically speaking.
The effects of a new or rekindled relationship triggers a similar hormone release as many substances. This effect, especially in the absence of substances, can be overwhelming. Whether you’re starting a new relationship or working to repair an old one, be aware that love can be intoxicating. Take things slow and work together to make logical decisions.
People undergoing addiction treatment are human beings worthy of love and compassion. So are the people they’ve hurt. That simple understanding should be the root of how we face challenges with addiction, love, and recovery.
