Developing a Healthy Love Life is Possible After Suffering Abuse

No matter if you’ve been married for years, or if you’ve been dating somebody for a while, once you’ve grown comfortable with your significant other, sometimes things lose their “fizzle.” This is a common challenge in any relationship, but if you add the element of abuse into the equation, having even a ‘normal’ sex life can seem like a constant struggle. But, it doesn’t have to be. Physical, mental, and especially sexual abuse can have a huge effect on a person’s ability to develop healthy relationships. And though you may struggle with intimacy and trust, there are ways to rid yourself of these traumas and enjoy a healthy relationship.

The key ingredient here is going to be honesty and communication, and the right partner. And if you find yourself with a partner who can accept your struggles and stay by your side while you manage them, you’re more than halfway to the finish line.

Developing Trust

One thing that you need in order to be fully intimate with another human being is a level of trust. But this level of trust is different for everyone. You may know people who don’t need to develop a relationship in order to be intimate with someone. In fact, they may be indiscriminate with their sex life, but this is also considered by many psychologists to be destructive and self-serving behavior.

For a person who has suffered abuse, developing enough trust to be intimate with someone can take months, if not several years. And you need to be honest with your partner from the beginning if you want an intimate relationship to ever develop in the future. Some people you might be interested in may be willing to wait, while others won’t. But the latter should give you enough reason to move on to a partner who prioritizes your needs as well as theirs.

Open Communication

All relationships require relationship building. And it is this foundation that sets the stage for a healthy and open relationship to develop. If you’re a partner with a victim of abuse, you need to be able to listen to your partner’s worries and fears, and be able to set their mind at ease when they open up to you about their abuse. This isn’t done by finding something clever to say; It’s done by listening, and showing empathy and compassion. Additionally, never try to talk your partner into sex, espescially if he or she has a history of abuse as this may only push them further away.

The same is true with a victim of abuse, you have to be open and honest in order for your partner to acknowledge your pain. And you cannot expect a certain reaction, or hope for a specific outcome. Each person will view this differently, and some may be able to empathize, while others may be reluctant.

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are going to be critical when it comes to developing a healthy sex life, especially with a partner who has suffered abuse. You may find that some sexual practices are going to be traumatizing for your partner if he or she was a victim of abuse. This can sometimes mean that submissive postions or play may not be the best choice for developing a healthy sex life. For example, many sufferers of sexual abuse are forced into certain positions or forced to perform demeaning acts. In fact, this is often the case with abuse by elders, or sexual abuse by members of a religious organization.

Setting healthy boundaries and deciding what should be placed “off-limits” should be discussed as soon as the relationship becomes sexual. This way both partners feel comfortable and at ease during sex. And when you’re both comfortable, you may notice that your sexual experience is much more enjoyable.

Developing a healthy sex life after abuse might be difficult at first. But by setting the right boundaries, developing trust, and communicating your true feelings, you’ll be well on your way to experiencing romance and developing a healthy relationship in no time at all.